[drabble] FFVII ShinraMart AU-- "Taste the Flavor"
Explanation: Entirely the fault of stopthatgirl7, who came up with the concept of "ShinraMart" and is dragging the rest of us with her into her universe of CRACK. Basically an AU wherin everybody works at, hangs around, or harasses the FF-version of 7-11. You always wanted to see Zack in an apron, didn't you?

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Reno stared at the bright packaging, one eyebrow raised. "'Moogle Pocky'? What the fuck is that? Does it taste like moogles? Is it MADE from moogles?"

Rude was only half paying attention, distracted as he leafed idly through the pages of a girly magazine he had no intention of buying. "Maybe it's made BY moogles."

"I'm not sure that makes it any more appealing." Reno shook the package dubiously. "What do you think, partner?"

"Are you two gonna buy anything?" Zack called from behind the counter, exasperated. "You've been in here for an hour."

Rude waved the magazine. "I'm not even to the centerfold, yet."

Reno held up the Pocky, shaking it like a maraca. "What the hell flavor is this? And if you say "moogle" I'm gonna hit you."

"Have you ever licked a moogle?"

"Never been that drunk."

Zack wiggled his eyebrows. "Then how do you know whether it tastes like a moogle or not?"

Reno made a face as he considered the package. "Rude?"

"Just buy the damn things. Then you'll know."

Reno sighed and marched over to smack the package onto the countertop. "If these taste like ass, I want a refund," he said.

Zack's face went mock-serious. "You know, the only way you'll be able to prove it in a court of law is if you lick a moogle's ass to find out."

Rude laughed and tossed the magazine on top of the Pocky, obviously expecting Reno to pay (which, astonishinly, he did without complaint). "He's got you there, partner."

Reno offered up a nasty grin. "Or I could just suck his mom. That'd prolly work just as good, eh?"

The register slammed closed with more force than was strictly necessary, and Zack's smile went from "strained" to "kind of really scary" in an instant. "Have a nice day, gentlemen," he said from between clenched teeth.

Reno laughed and took a step back, but his look was undaunted. "I'll compare the two and let you know, yeah?"

"Don't bother."

"Why? You already got a frame of reference?"

Zack leaned over the counter. "CLOUD! Get over here and help me kill Reno."

"Can't it wait?" Cloud's voice drifted plaintively from the direction of the refrigerator units. "I have so many sandwiches to display."

"This isn't about egg salad, Cloud, this is about honor."

"This egg salad isn't going to stock itself."

"Neither will my honor!"

Zack sighed as the door jingled behind him-- his opponents beating a hasty retreat. "Guess I lost that round."

He somehow blamed the moogles.